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Richard hadn't been on a date in years. He was nervous, sweaty and he smelled like rotten cheesecake mixed with cat hair. This was all his friends' idea and he was beginning to think it was a bad one. He'd been waiting 45 minutes for the young lady to show up already, and if that wasn't enough, his face was covered in open sores and he was definitely sick. He had mysterious symptoms that even the most notorious professional couldn't diagnose. He was also suffering from poor "performance". To make matters worse, these so called professionals wanted to put more crap into him that would supposedly fix what they put in last time to fix a different problem.
It was clear, no matter what they said about these fixes, it only compounded problems.
Suddenly she appeared through the doorway. Her form was sleek and she had all the right "options" too. This Lina girl was definitely the kinda girl that Richard could customize. Sure, she probably needed some work but Richard had always been good at changing things. As soon as possible the conversation fired right up. It started with a handshake and then a simple exchange.
"What's wrong with you?" She asked.
Richard suddenly got that blank stare. He burped loudly and then about a minute later he picked up where he left off.
"What's that you ask?" He said.
"I asked what was wrong, do you have to restart often?" She asked again.
"Well, you see, unlike you, the world out there is rife with viruses I can catch. I cant have any interaction without risking getting sick. It takes about 6 seconds of interaction with the public and I've caught a new virus. Either that or some form of parasite that just wants to monitor my every keystroke." Richard explained.
"That's interesting.. I've never had a problem. Sure, I take a little work, sometimes you might have to do some manual coding or recompile me, but eventually I'll come around and I don't have to worry about all those viruses or spies." Said Lina.
"That's amazing! How on earth do you manage all this? How did you get so lucky???"
"Richard, my real name isn't Lina, it's Linux, I go by Lina for short. It's just the way I'm built. I don't have to worry about all that crap that you do. Sure, I may take some getting used to, but in the end, it's worth it." Said Linux.
"I understand, My real name is Microsoft Windows, I go by Richard because people usually just call me a Dick, and since Dick is short for Richard, I go by that. "
"No need to explain, Richard.. why don't we go back to my place? I'll have you converted in about 45 minutes. Then we can do whatever we want without any protection. No need to worry about viruses or spies and I can show you just how flexible I can be."
"Sometimes I get pimples on my ass..." Richard interrupted.
"Shut up Richard!" said Linux.
Richard was never heard from again. Word around the street is that he is going by the name of "Mepis".